Sunday, June 5, 2016

In God's House

Our minibus trundled violently down a red dirt path. It was chock-full: three of the girls in the back, four of us in the middle row, Penny and Patti in the front passenger row with Annie’s assistant Loveness, and then Annie, her photographer/paparazzi guy, and the driver up front. The minibuses are the main public transport system in Malawi, allowing people to travel from city to city in the absurdly cramped vehicles. Today we had our own though because as I have said, Annie owns Malawi.

The morning began in confusion- we reported at 8:30 in front of the lodge awaiting our ride to Annie’s church, St. Paul’s Catholic church in her home village. We had been told both that it started at 9 and 9:30, so we sort of stood around in confusion until Andrew came out to let us know Annie was on her way to go to the church with us, which made us happy and excited. It probably didn’t matter what time we turned up if Annie was with us. She appeared at about 9, so we really hoped mass wasn’t beginning because we would certainly be late. A few minutes later the minibus arrived and we crammed in, stopping to pick up the videographer guy Annie brings some places.

We made more stops: Annie told us the village has little access to some basic foods like eggs, bread, and sugar, and the country is in a bit of a famine currently after all. We got lots of those things and then made our way to the village. We eventually turned off the “highway” to a red dirt path by a sign for “Chikala Primary School” and a bunch of half built buildings. Ashley told me how often, donors or investors will back the beginning of a building project but run out of funds before it is completed, leaving these instant ruins. We bounced along the lumpy road, feeling a bit like the contents of a blender as elbows and bread went flying everywhere. I had strong flashbacks to riding in the massive SUVs on Fraser Island in Australia. We were soon passing through mostly dirt and tall grass and most of us stopped believing we were headed toward a church. We parked in a small grove of trees by a simple cinderblock and tin building and I hopped out with skepticism.
ideal photography circumstances


But then I heard the singing. We walked up a sloped dirt path along the side of the structure to get to the door. Voices were coming through the stone windows and I couldn’t believe they were real. The door opened to the rear of the church, and we allowed Annie to lead the way since we seemed to be fashionably late. We passed many many completely full rows of worshippers, and many stopped singing to watch us progress to two rows in the front of the women’s side that had clearly been saved for us. I was in the front right on the aisle. The hymn ended shortly after we took our places.
walking into church

The whole service would be in Chichewa, but the priest greeted us in English and extended warm welcomes to the church. While he did this I took in the layout of the room: It was made of cinderblocks with cement lattice windows and a corrugated tin roof with white painted rickety rafters. Just above the altar, the tin was replaced by a nearly translucent material that let sunlight illuminate the altar. Behind the altar a crucifix stood before a simple stained glass cross window. Three very small altar boys stood against the wall on each side of the altar. Just in front of us was a carpeted area where 4 rows of small girls sat on the floor, all in white or yellow dresses. The first 4 rows of the men’s side was the choir, all in white shirts, composed of small boys and girls and some grow men, accompanied by a bongo-type drum and led by a man with an infectious smile. Thanks to 22 years of Catholicism and the universal nature of the Catholic church, I could approximate which parts of the mass were occurring despite knowing about 20 words of Chichewa. After some beginning rites, we were on our knees when another song began.

I cannot describe the sound to you. It was entirely a cappella but was the most full music I have ever heard. The director would lightly sing in falsetto the begging of the song before gesturing to bring the sopranos sing. They came into the song on a high, clear note and then all the voice parts crashed in like water and became a dance. Each layer of harmony was rich and made the concrete building feel like a concert hall. It made me so dizzy and I could feel my heart swelling and clenching at the same time. Before I knew what was happening I was crying. At first I tried to cry gracefully and discretely wipe tears away, but soon I couldn’t control it at all and my chest hurt with the effort of keeping it in. I bowed my head and let my shoulders shake and tears fall onto the floor. It was the kind of beauty your body can’t stand. It felt like hearing the best news in the world or being told you are loved and knowing it’s true. In Ashley’s words, that has to be what heaven sounds like. If all I did in Malawi was come to this church to hear one song, before turning around and heading home, it would have been worth it.

It took a couple songs for me to adjust to existing in such close proximity to that music. It helped to distract myself with the game of smiling at the children in front of me (who all kept turning around to gaze at us), and seeing how many tries it took to get them to smile back. The little altar boys were easy, and eventually I had them hiding inside their robes to conceal their bashful smiles. There were a couple older women corralling the children sitting in front of us. More kids kept coming up to sit in that last row, so eventually the woman started seating some of them in the rows behind us to keep them out of the aisle. When those filled up, one little girl in a pale green dress got booted from the carpet and placed next to me at the end of our row. At first she sat on the very edge, with one leg in the aisle. I turned to her and smiled to no effect. A few minutes later I tried again, and this time after a few seconds of gazing at me solemnly, the deepest grin spread across her face. It was like watching a flower blossom. After that, every time we returned to the seat from kneeling or standing, she was closer to me, with an elbow in my lap.

The offertory was quite different from at home. In St. Paul’s the glorious music has everyone dancing. In fact, the first three rows of children in front of us seemed to be a sort of dance team, doing a graceful hula type of dance that just exudes celebration. And it’s fitting because every hymn was rejoicing. There was no mourning, every song was the happiest sound you have ever heard. So during the offertory, rather than being passed, women stand with various baskets at the front of the church and the parishioners dance down the aisle to give what they have to the church. The oldest women I have ever seen, stomping and smiling as they bounced passed me and my friend toward their seats to the voices and the drum.

But the most important moment was communion. In the Catholic church, we believe that when the priest blesses the bread and the wine, they literally become the physical body and blood of Christ, and that because of that transformation he exists in the room with us from that moment. At home, the moment the bread is blessed, we bow our heads and bells ring so that we can solemnly welcome and thank our savior. In Malawi, the moment the priest blesses the host and the Lord enters the room, the full congregation sings out a three note tune in rich, perfect harmony, and extends their right hands toward the host. They created audible joy to greet our Lord and King.
St. Paul's


After the mass ended, the priest spoke in Chichewa of what a blessing it was to have us. Unbeknownst to us (because we were naïve to how people in the villages of Malawi actually live) our contributions to the offertory (no more than $5 USD worth of Kwachas per person) had quadrupled the collected sum. More than a hundred parishioners contributed beside us, and still their gifts couldn’t compare to our pocket change. Again I felt dizzy. He asked Patti to say some words and with a translator, she introduced us to the whole room. She also commented that Americans really needed to learn to dance when we worship and that got everyone laughing and crying out. We received many more thanks and then Annie was asked to speak. She did so in half-English-half-Chichewa, speaking to our relationship with her and with Malawi. After the service ended and we processed out row by row, we inadvertently made a line outside that every exiting parishioner proceeded to troop, shaking all our hands and thanking us. I privately felt ridiculous and guilty for being thanked for a contribution of 2,000 Kwachas ($2.81), but used the time to ask many names and learn about them. I gave my little friend the necklace I was wearing (which was originally for you, Steph, so now you know it’s with a good home) and she gave a small smile and sprinted away. She seemed scared but I hope she liked it.


After mass we walked out to the highway rather than making the minibus go off-road again. Many little girls from mass walked with us, silently curious and just spending wordless time with us. We passed boys playing games, more tin-roofed homes, giant chickens, and lots of laughter and Sunday relaxation. Near the road there were three little children by the path, waving at us. When I asked them “Muli bwanji?” the just absolutely lost it, laughing hysterically. That was a new reaction for me, but I liked it. As we waited for the bus, Annie went to a stand across the street and bought us a (literal) bunch of sweet, chubby bananas.

After the bus ride, we felt very hungry so most of us students walked down the mountain to Tasty Bites, a restaurant we like in town. I don’t remember if I wrote about it before but it’s basically just a restaurant with a vaguely Indian theme with great spring rolls and questionable ice cream. My internal monologue is going about quadruple speed here so it’s hard to know what I’ve typed and what I’ve just thought about. Before leaving though I had to hug Ashley goodbye because she and Penny are traveling to Blantyre for a few days before meeting us at Liwonde Wednesday. That was sad. But downtown was fun and the TB pizza we got was yummy. Our friend Memory who works at the lodge found us on our way back so we hopped in the bed of his truck rather than hiking the rest of the way up the mountain.

After that I went to the front of the lodge where a few guys sell their carved items and necklaces every day. They can be pretty pushy like the guys at the wall but I am getting better at deflecting their advances. My biggest triumph was this guy who was trying to sell me a Bao set a couple days ago. I told him I didn’t know how to play and asked if he’d teach me. So tonight we sat down together on the breakfast porch and he thought me how. He was a great teacher and that’s saying something because I picked it up embarrassingly slowly. It’s a rather complex game though, but I had a great time. His name is Carrison and he said fantastic things. For example, when he advised me on a specific move and I took his advice, afterwards he said “Now you see the goodness.” I also loved that when he was affirming something, the way most people would say “Yes, right” he said “Yes, that is.” The game is also about predicting the opponents moves, so he said very abstractly impressive statements like “you must think about your future.” It was a fantastic way to spend an evening, and Carrison said my brain got bigger which is a bonus.

When I got back to my room, all Ashley’s stuff was gone, but she left me a note and I cried. I hope it’s clear how loving and wonderful she is from her features in my writing. Despite seeing her in 3 days, it feels very tragic to lose the chance to process each day with her and laugh at the miracles of each day. Thank you, Ashley.

Another week begins anew tomorrow! It can only be filled with more grace now that the music from this morning lives in my soul.

With love and frequent tears,
Lauren

I am grateful for…
  1. Sunshine
  2. Mass
  3. The mountain

What will I do to make today great?
  1. Relax!
  2. Work on my med school application
  3. Read the Bibe

Daily affirmations. I am…
Lighthearted
3 Amazing things that happened today…
  1. Mass
  2. Walking around the village
  3. Playing Bao with Carrison

How could I have made today even better?

Eating more

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